20160218

Apparently...

Um.. I want to write about last night's dream. Usually i just wrote it all in my journal(diary) that have only 6 pages left (good job, me) but this one is kinda.. Disturbing? My journal have so many contents in it, you name it; horny, novel ideas, some scribbling, including dream journal, but it's all is 'myself'. I don't know... Myself is that happy, cheerful, loud and annoying little brat of the family. But THIS side.

..Barniyah Ammara. The name I gave to 'this' side when I was in the depression phase. Long story, you don't wanna hear it and I don't want to write it, thanks a lot. This straightforward, (still) annoying and all those 'bad' side, I blame it to Barniyah Ammara. Yes, personality complex or whatever you call it.

Enough with the intro. I have the urge to share this story like; REALLY. But not to 'myself's family or to 'myself'; but to Barniyah Ammara. Again, thanks a lot. Warning; MAY be disturbing. And no, I didn't watch horror movies in ages since I was like; 11? All of the 'inside jokes' I'll explain it in [brackets]. 




The first thing I know, I was in school. All-girls secondary school. [My ex-school. I've quit long time ago, yet not graduating. LOL if you know what I mean] In a middle of chaos. So apparently there's this riot. I didn't remember what for, though. Sorry.

My classmates and I are the attacking side, I don't know.. It has something to do with this school, I just don't remember what is it.

One of us is pushed to the wall by some men, and I quickly followed (by sticking myself to the wall too, the second row; to protect her) Behind me, one kid is doing the same. She's really small. "The girls are here, they're not moving a bit, sticking to the wall, age among 10 to 15," I hear one of the men talk to his walkie-talkie. [Ha, I don't know what a 10 years old girl would do in a secondary school...]

The man took the small kid behind me first, of course. She's the smallest. They went for me after, I tried my best but still dragged. Well, what's me comparing to those tough-looking men guards? In my mind, 'Why does that small kid have to go behind me!?' You know, it should be the smallest in the front and the biggest protect them from the back. That's not the case here. 

In the middle of me struggling didn't want to follow them, our other friends from the same batch come along in the same time with teacher K. Not together. They're all coming to see what's up with the chaos. The spectators started to chant the words our teacher K always shout when she wants to boast our spirit. They thought Teacher K is here to support our (student) side. Yeah, she's our favorite teacher. 

[Sadly, I've forgotten the 3-words. And the 'teacher' from our dream actually just a novel writer from Singapore. She fits this image of 'young, energetic, loved by students, Muslimah' type for the teacher in my dream perfectly.]

"Young, Energetic, Muslimah!" [Just as example for that 3 words]

"...Stop it." Teacher K blandly replied.   

"Young, Energetic, Muslimah!!" the students chant louder while we're struggling here!

"No, stop it." Her tone increased. 

"YOUNG, ENERGETIC, MUSLIMAH!!" The students still thought Teacher K is in their side. 

"NO, KIDS. STOP IT. LET THE MEN DO THEIR WORK!!" That is the highest we've ever hear Teacher K shouted. All of it becomes quiet. So does Teacher K and the men.

***
The second thing I know, school has finished and our classmates seems to think the same with me. We lost the riot, now we have to bear the consequences for making chaos in school. [Still didn't remember...] Without planning, we all roaming around school as if it's our last time here. Think about what just happen, and what will happen.

At the rooftop, [not exactly, but most likely] I was walking slowly before I saw A. She seems to look at the ground while having a big thought. We're not the only ones here, there are few other classmates sitting around there. Maybe the wind can ease their mind. I hear them talking things as "I have a bad feeling from this school... The aura is, different. Kinda creepy." As I was approaching, they all look at me before simultaneously started to head down. I don't think hard about it as I do the same. It's getting late, we need to back home. 

I was following them from the rooftop till the gate, from the gate till the sideways. Before they all went to the cafe nearby school [the school is in the middle of the city] and I started to realize this is not the way home. I was too observed in following them with many thoughts on my mind that I walked without sense. Now, I have to make a u-turn to get to the desired road. Or...

***
Or.. I looked up to the front. I can walked in front of this church and it will brought me to the way head home. Just as I was weighing the decision in my mind; either turn and have a long way or just continue my walk, my legs started to move by themselves. Very slowly. 

"I feel uncomfortable aura around that church," A girl in my school talk to her friend.

"Nah.. It's just you. It's just a building, not that it'll eat us alive. Just chill," the friend replied.

My feet is still walking step-by-step, yet didn't stop at all. I do realize what the girls are talking, yet I was like hypnotized. My feet still don't want to stop. 

Halfway jumping on that 'star-like' pedestrian through the church, it happened. 

As I gained my consciousness, my heartbeat slowly increased drastically that I feel like dying. I started to regret not turning from the beginning. I started to run, want to escape from that atmosphere but my feet feels like it didn't touch the ground. I can't seem to control my own body! I was panic. 

"ALLAHU AKBAR! ASYHADU AN LAILAHA ILLAHU WA ASYHA DU ANNA MUHAMMADAR RASULULLAH!!" I can't tutter the syahadah!! [The italic is just echoing in my mind, but couldn't get it out. Sorry for any mistakes in spelling] I feel like crying. I try again. I force it to get out, using every energy left but something was blocking me! Allah, Allah... I feel really week, all of my strength drained before I passed out. 

The last thing I hear was; "See!! I just remembered there's actually some people die in front of that church!!" The girl shouted and cried. I hear what she says really clearly. 

Disclaimer: No, I didn't say Christianity is bad or any of it, my mind just loves to create things sometimes.

***
I started to realize; This is a dream! [Yes, I've countless of dreams like this when I had 'gangguan jin' before, where I couldn't utter the syahadah. There is many of it, I remember every one very clearly. I dream of black shadows following me. Jumping from the waterfall. Touching pig. I've kinda expected things like that and differentiate dreams and reality now. That reality check is really useful. Check the video below to learn more.] 

At first, I try to open my eyes, yet it still heavy. I was knocked into not-so-pleasant-dreamland again.


***
In a middle of hospital. Confused, really. Wear a patient's outfit. "Dr. Vim? Dr. Vim!??" I shouted loudly. [V; Taehyung. Kim; Mingyu. V+Kim=Vim. Clear enough? Lol]

Kim Taehyung and Kim Mingyu, Seventeen and BTS, K-pop 95-line, SVTXBTS, V and Mingyu
^This. Thank you for making me search for it. :----------] 

Then I realized again. This is a dream! I try to open my eyes again. This time, by using my hands. If my hands didn't touch anything, then it's a dream. I'll just have to open my eyes. OPEN MY EYES!! My brain order the eyes.  

***
I see a wrinkled green. It turned to be Mr. Joker. [Yes, that's what I thought it is, in my dream but it's actually The Mask. You know, that green creature that can be turned to anything...] It's hugging my mom. [In my dreams, that free-hair young lady that I don't know who apparently is my mom.] The surroundings become clear. We're in a movie theater. [Well, I've just get in once in my whole life, thanks to my big sis]

Suddenly we're out from the door, and I started to realized again. The way Mr. Joker look at me is surreal. This must be a dream.

I force my eyes to really open again. I use all my energy, OPEN, YOU STUPID EYES!

Boom. I saw the wrinkled green again. This time, I prevent myself to fall asleep again. As the feeling started to set in, oh..

It's my sis's [yang sedang menunggu keputusan SPM] wrinkled, green t-shirt and 'the mom' is actually her tummy. //seems like my brain translate it for color-wise only. Hek//


10 minutes to 10 a.m. After I've went to the bathroom, and do what I should do, get out, my mother that have just pension a few weeks back look at me. She's doing her job; take orders to sew fabric becoming clothes while watching the television. I talk to myself, 'Now, this is real life,' I am so glad, you wouldn't know. 


I sit down at the rocking chair. Well, guess what. The television is showing Da'i season 3 ad which they sang the theme song.


I was still in the sleepy state, yet.. "Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah," [3:18] the chant of it woke me up. I think the readers would know by now.

This is the way He called me to come back at Him. After swerve too far from the lane

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